Chapter Forty-Two: Your Heart Is Troubled

No one in the capital would have imagined that Shen Sinian, so stern and strict in public, could be so talkative in private—almost like an old housekeeper. She lifted her eyes to glance at Shen Sinian, realizing this man truly had two faces. Moreover, Meng Chuyue's demeanor today seemed off. She was supposed to be lively, at least according to the book, yet now she was silent.

Shen Nanyuan turned her head, her gaze falling upon Xiao Yan's face. Perhaps because Xiao Yan refused to sit beside her, Meng Chuyue simply had no desire to speak. Why did they all seem to wear two masks?

Shen Nanyuan felt utterly exhausted. Her intention had been to coax these two back onto the proper storyline, but things always veered off course. She pressed her lips together, abruptly sensing that the more she tried to force things, the harder it was to reach her goal. Perhaps it would be better to simply let things take their course.

Shen Sinian couldn't sit still any longer. He rose and went to the prow of the boat. "What's the point of sitting inside? You can't see any scenery unless you come out." Shen Nanyuan found his reasoning sound and followed him outside the awning. The moment she steadied herself, the boat gave a sudden lurch. Unsteady, she gave a startled cry, only to have Shen Sinian catch her arm in a grip that tightened with concern. "If you fall in, you won't like the consequences."

Xiao Yan, whose gaze had been fixed upon Shen Nanyuan all this time, finally let out a breath of relief. Still uneasy, he rose and walked over to her side, his peripheral vision tracking her every move. He couldn't remember when it started, only that whenever she was near, all his attention was drawn to her. Only with her within sight could he truly feel at ease.

For Xiao Yan, who had spent so many years alone, this was not a good thing. Yet he could not control himself. Watching Shen Nanyuan move so carefully, a strange stirring welled in his chest. For the first time, he reached out his arm of his own accord, his voice low and tinged with a nervousness even he couldn't name.

"Hold on to me, Miss."

Almost instantly, that slender, fair hand clasped his wrist. Even with a layer of clothing between them, the softness and trembling of her touch were unmistakable—just as he had felt when he awoke from unconsciousness and her gentle fingertips brushed his lips. Then, he had been wary and uneasy. Now, a quiet joy blossomed in his heart.

Looking back, he realized that these days spent with her seemed nothing short of a dream.

——

Jun Ci was well aware that the Second Prince had gone to the Duke of Zhen's residence. After court, he had seen with his own eyes the prince ride away with General Shen and his son, heading in that direction. He felt an inexplicable panic and a fury he could not describe.

After years at court, he knew the Second Prince rarely visited the households of powerful officials. Even when Shen Yi set out on campaign, he had never come in person. This time, he clearly had an ulterior motive.

And Jun Ci knew exactly what it was.

He had long worried the Second Prince would send someone to investigate the identity of the woman he had seen that night. Now, his fears had come true. The Second Prince was after Shen Nanyuan.

Whether or not his interest in her was genuine, now that he knew her identity, his personal motives would surely outweigh any affection. Jun Ci felt restless and ill at ease. The imperial palace was a place of no return, a bottomless abyss that devoured all who entered. Once inside, there could be no escape. With Shen Nanyuan's temperament, she would never agree to such a fate.

After court, Jun Ci paced anxiously in his study. This matter had nothing to do with him; he had no right to worry about Shen Nanyuan. Yet the unease that gripped him left him unable to do anything else. He even thought that if he had not broken off their engagement, she would not be facing such trouble.

With Shen Yi about to lead his troops to war, he would not be at the residence, and the Second Prince would have no scruples. The more he thought about it, the more agitated Jun Ci became. He had never experienced such emotions before.

Just then, Liu Yuli happened to visit. Upon hearing the news, he gazed at Jun Ci for a long while, then tapped his palm lightly with his folding fan, amusement in his eyes.

"Why are you so worried about this? It has nothing to do with you." He smirked, his gaze sharp and unyielding. "If I recall correctly, you and Miss Shen broke off your engagement months ago. Relations between the Jun family and the Duke of Zhen's household have been tense ever since. Surely you haven't forgotten?"

"Why are you so unsettled, Jun Ci? Has your heart gone astray?"

Jun Ci was startled, instinctively refuting, "No, it’s just that we grew up together. I don’t want to see her—"

"Jun Ci," Liu Yuli interrupted, uncharacteristically serious, "how many times have you used the excuse of growing up together? Is it truly about your shared childhood, or is it because of your own selfishness?"

His words struck Jun Ci like a blow to the head. Hidden in his sleeve, his hand clenched tightly. After a moment, he spoke, word by word: "I have no selfish motives." But his eyes remained downcast, veiling all his true emotions.

"You're overthinking things."

"Is that so?" Liu Yuli laughed, shaking his fan with practiced nonchalance. "All the better, then. In that case, you have no say in this. You and she have nothing to do with each other anymore. Why torment yourself with worry?"

He chuckled. "Is it really just because you grew up together? Don’t be ridiculous. If you truly cared, then back when her world revolved around you, you wouldn’t have treated her so carelessly."

Whether it was an excuse or not, only Jun Ci knew in his heart.

"In a few days, you’ll be proposing to the Lin family. Are you ready? You should focus on that instead."

Jun Ci lifted his head slightly. His face looked ashen.

"...Yes."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, weariness etched into his features.

"Indeed, I should focus on that."

His ties with Shen Nanyuan had been severed long ago; everything between them had ended the day their engagement was broken. There was no turning back.

Jun Ci clenched his fists, his eyes shadowed with a disappointment even he could not ignore.

——

"Achoo!"

Shen Nanyuan sneezed heavily, lying on her bed with no energy at all. Her head throbbed with discomfort. Lady Shen, worried, pulled the quilt higher over her and touched her burning forehead, then fetched a handkerchief, dampened it, and placed it gently on her brow.

Perhaps she had caught a chill on the boat, for upon returning to the Duke's residence, she had developed a fever. Uncle Li had hurried to summon the physician, and the decoction was already being prepared.

Shen Sinian stood helplessly by, watching his little sister’s furrowed brow, remorse gnawing at his heart.

"If I’d known, I would have insisted she dress more warmly."

"It’ll teach her a lesson," Lady Shen said, though her voice was gentle as she wiped the sweat from her daughter's flushed face. "Make sure she finishes her medicine."