Chapter Ninety-Eight: He Will Not Return

Liu Yuli noticed the person beside him hadn’t followed, and turned his head in confusion, only to be stunned. His eyes widened in disbelief.
“Jun Ci, why are your eyes red?”
He watched as Jun Ci suddenly turned around and strode quickly in the opposite direction. Liu Yuli was taken aback, then suddenly realized he was heading toward the former Duke Protector’s Mansion.
The Duke Protector’s Mansion had a prestigious reputation, granted to General Shen Yi by the late emperor for his meritorious service in stabilizing the court. Over the years, the mansion’s honor and influence had become paramount. Yet, General Shen Yi was suddenly accused of colluding with foreign enemies to seize the throne, and his entire household was executed.
Once splendid and glorious, the mansion now stood desolate and ruined.
Imperial guards kept vigil at the gate. Liu Yuli seized Jun Ci’s arm, and whispered angrily, “Are you mad? If His Majesty finds out, what will become of your family?”
Jun Ci stood there, eyes red, exhaling a heavy breath. He said nothing, only gazing at the Duke Protector’s Mansion for a long time before finally turning away.
He had thought he’d forgotten.
But he hadn’t.
Every memory of her from the past years flickered through his mind, only to fade away in the river of time, as if a blunt knife scraped at his heart, bringing piercing pain.
He had hesitated.
He had wandered.
He knew how poorly he’d treated Shen Nanyuan, and knew how good she had been to him through the years. Several times, he’d wavered, wanting to respond.
But inexplicably, something compelled him, driving him to choose Lin Yan, to do things that hurt Shen Nanyuan, to say words that wounded her.
He never meant to.
Jun Ci returned to his mansion, went to the storeroom, and searched out all the birthday gifts Shen Nanyuan had given him over the years. Seeing the tokens of her affection he had neglected, a wave of bitterness surged from his heart.
She had been gone for half a year.
Never again would he receive her birthday gifts each year.
The bright, smiling girl who always called him “Brother Jun” with such sweetness had vanished completely in last winter.
Yuanyuan...
He would never see her again, never again.
Jun Ci lowered his gaze, and tears fell suddenly.
——
Jun Ci gazed at her, dazed, the twisting pain in his heart making his breath come quick and shallow.

“I am now engaged,” she said, frowning.
Though she disliked it, the engagement was an inescapable fact.
“If you truly wish me well, you ought to consider things from my perspective, not act on your own whims. The name ‘Yuanyuan’ is not yours to call, and I won’t accept the painting scroll you hold. I’ve said this many times, when will you finally understand?”
Jun Ci dropped his gaze, unable to look at her.
As though doing so might ease his pain: “I understand.”
Clutching the painting scroll tightly, his voice was hoarse and rough: “I understand. From now on... I won’t seek you out again.”
Shen Nanyuan looked at him steadily, answering only in a mild tone, “I hope you keep your word.”
With that, she turned away. Only then did Jun Ci dare to raise his head, his gaze fixed on her departing figure, eyes closing briefly. When he opened them again, they were red.
It felt as if a piece of his heart had been carved out, the pain suffocating—pain he had never known.
There was no room left for anything.
He would be left with nothing but regret.
It was entirely his fault.
He had pushed Shen Nanyuan further and further away with his own hands; he had brought this upon himself; he deserved such an end.
His eyes brimmed with sudden tears, and Jun Ci wept.
Shen Nanyuan returned to Shaohua Courtyard, and saw Xiao Yan standing in the yard, as if waiting for her.
She walked forward: “Waiting for me?”
“Yes,” Xiao Yan nodded, “waiting for you, Miss.”
Shen Nanyuan glanced at him, then couldn’t help but laugh: “Did you go into the kitchen?”
“Did you make longevity noodles for me?”
Flour clung to his hair, and some dusted his face. Thinking back to how she hadn’t seen him that morning, Shen Nanyuan guessed what he’d been up to.
Because of the imperial marriage decree, Shaohua Courtyard felt subdued. Shen Nanyuan was almost glad her birthday wasn’t being celebrated on a grand scale.
Otherwise, she’d have to face so many nobles and aristocrats; she truly had no mood or strength for it. But a birthday had to be marked somehow. Later, she’d visit the old madam, and a bowl of noodles at noon would suffice.
But to have the male lead make noodles for her—she felt rather proud.
Shen Nanyuan wore a faint smile, sitting on the stone bench in the courtyard: “Bring it here, let me try.”

Xiao Yan carefully placed the bowl before her, a little anxious: “I don’t know if it suits your taste.”
She could tell at a glance that Uncle Li must have taught him; even the greens and egg matched exactly the longevity noodles she had once made for him.
She picked up some with her chopsticks, chewing before raising her head: “Delicious!”
Xiao Yan finally relaxed.
Everything he had now belonged either to the Duke Protector’s Mansion or the Prime Minister’s Mansion. He wanted to give her something that was truly his own.
After much thought, all he could offer was a bowl of longevity noodles.
He could make up for missed birthday gifts in the future.
Shen Nanyuan ate a few bites and suddenly felt that Xiao Yan was somewhat different today.
She looked up, meeting his deep, dark eyes that enveloped her in their gaze, causing her heart to flutter for a moment.
“...What’s the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on me?”
“That marriage,” Xiao Yan said, “do you wish to marry?”
The ease in Shen Nanyuan’s expression faded slightly. She lowered her gaze and said quietly, “I don’t, but there’s nothing I can do.”
“To defy the imperial edict is a capital offense,” she said with a self-mocking smile. “Let’s not talk about it. Today is my birthday; I don’t want to mention unhappy things.”
Not wanting to marry was good.
Even if she did, he would snatch her away.
Xiao Yan looked at her silently, then suddenly said softly, “Miss, I have something to attend to this afternoon and must leave the mansion.”
His voice was oddly distant, but Shen Nanyuan paid it no mind.
“Mm,” she said, eating her noodles carelessly, “come back early for dinner. Today’s my birthday, Uncle Li will surely make something delicious. But I’ll be dining with Grandmother later, so I’ll save some appetite to eat with you all when I return.”
Xiao Yan found himself unable to speak for a moment.
He could only reply quietly.
But he would not return.