Chapter 86 – One Step Further

After a drive of more than half an hour, the car entered Yundong.

From a distance, Su Yihui could see the brightly lit single-apartment complex. People who lived there tended to get off work rather late. It was as if some peculiar magic was at work, shifting the local time two or three hours behind the rest of China.

He couldn’t tell if anyone in his building… was waiting for him to come home. The car was heading east, but the apartments faced north and south; Su Yihui couldn’t see the row of buildings at the back.

The night food stalls in front of the complex were unfazed by the wind and rain. Simple tents were pitched, massive umbrellas spread wide, illuminated by streetlights and their own lamps, beneath camphor trees, holding a lively nighttime feast.

The stalls usually packed up around one in the morning. The vendors were relatively conscientious, cleaning up the trash before leaving, gathering it in one place or taking it away themselves.

Su Yihui reached out of the car, opened his folding umbrella, and stepped out.

Su Yishu shifted, ready to get out as well.

“I’m here,” he said, gripping the umbrella handle. “Be careful on your way back.”

Yishu paused. “Aren’t you inviting us in?”

“It’s too late,” Yihui replied, scratching the back of his head, anxiety spreading through his body.

There were traces of another man in the apartment: his scent, his things, his presence. Signs of a secret the two of them could share with no one else. At least, not now.

He regretted not insisting they leave him to his own devices.

“Yes, Yihui’s right,” Xu Shixi chimed in from the backseat. “It’s getting late. We’ll get together another day.” He glanced at Yihui. “Right, Yihui?”

Su Yihui forced a smile and nodded.

“Then get some rest,” Yishu said, closing the car door.

She watched his figure standing in the rain, the umbrella making him look even slighter. The wind came from all sides, burrowing into his loose sweater, swelling it into a round woven ball.

He met her gaze, holding it until he turned the corner. Had she forgiven him? He’d only said half-truths, afraid to speak too much. Would she be more confused, more upset?

Su Yihui sighed. A cloud of weak white breath scattered in the black rain, the drops breaking it into tiny pores, then whisking it off in the wind.

He walked past the food stalls and entered the complex.

“You’re finally back?”

Su Yihui opened the door, hand groping along the wall for the switch. The sudden voice sent a spasm through him, but he quickly regained his composure. That voice was unmistakable among millions.

He found the switch.

“Didn’t go home tonight?” Su Yihui tossed his umbrella into the bucket. The room was too small to open it up.

Once you’ve filled my emptiness, then pulled yourself out, there will never be another day when my life feels whole—unless you return to it. “Did you not want me here?” Cheng Shuguang sat up at the edge of the bed.

How could I not want you here? If I could, I’d wish for us never to part, to share life and death together. Without you, every second drags; with you, even a lifetime is too short. I’m only afraid I’m not worthy of such happiness. I seem to be someone destined to be estranged from joy; I should be content with this fleeting moment. If I get greedy, I fear fate will take it all back.

“I was just worried—”

“What is there to worry about?” He tried to make his voice sound casual.

Su Yihui managed a stiff smile and looked away.

“With your sister—” Cheng Shuguang paused, sat on the sofa, turned over a glass on the coffee table, and poured half a cup of water. “How did the talk go?”

Su Yihui was physically frail. Coming in from the cold to the warm indoors brought on coughing and a runny nose at best, but the real danger was a serious cold. Cheng Shuguang knew this all too well.

At the end of summer, Cheng Shuguang had whimsically taken Su Yihui to the Yun City swimming pool. He’d brought two pairs of deep-blue swim trunks with letter patterns. The trunks were identical, only the sizes differed: one XL, one M.

Su Yihui had always resisted going to public pools. He’d always bathed in the shabby bathroom at home. In Xiangtang village, the nameless river that ran through it would teem with men of all ages in summer, from seventy-year-olds to toddlers, crowding the riverbank. Seeing them all stripped down to nothing but colorful underwear made Su Yihui feel embarrassed and out of place.

Later, an illegal dye factory upstream turned the once-clear river into a gutter of filth. In recent years, the campaign to clean the waterways had brought some improvement, but it never returned to how it once was.

—I don’t want to swim.

Su Yihui stubbornly refused to leave the car, as if it were his last lifeline, and stepping out would mean being swept away by a tidal wave.

He was no match for Cheng Shuguang’s strength. With barely half his effort, Shuguang dragged him out of the passenger seat.

—Then I won’t change into swim trunks.

Su Yihui glanced at Cheng Shuguang in swimwear, the tight fabric outlining his body in detail. So close, it made Su Yihui’s heart race. He looked away, but the view was the same everywhere. Embarrassed, he shut his eyes. They’re both men—what’s there to be shy about? He convinced himself to open his eyes, only to find Shuguang standing right in front of him. Their eyes met at close range. Yihui panicked, his Adam’s apple bobbing violently.

—Don’t be so shy. If you keep dawdling, do you want me to help you change?

Cheng Shuguang teased him. Truthfully, he’d have loved to help him change. A man in his thirties was not as easily embarrassed as a young man not yet twenty.

Under his “threat,” Su Yihui had no choice but to change into the swim trunks. On the way to the pool, he kept his arms crossed tightly in front of him.

Cheng Shuguang quietly circled behind him and, catching him off guard, shoved him into the pool, sending up a splash. The lifeguard blew his whistle and gave a warning. Su Yihui surfaced, flailing and sputtering as water poured into his mouth.

Cheng Shuguang’s eyes nearly popped out as he leapt in after him, hooking his arms under Yihui’s and dragging him to the edge.

Su Yihui gasped for air, as if trying to take in enough oxygen to last a lifetime.

—If you can’t swim, why didn’t you say so earlier?

Cheng Shuguang was scared out of his wits.

—I told you I didn’t want to come.

Su Yihui stumbled to the changing room and put on his clothes without even drying off. Shuguang didn’t have time to change, throwing his coat and pants over his swim trunks and hurrying after him.

Though it was summer and hot, the wind never failed to join in. Yihui got soaked, caught a chill, and ended up with a bad cold upon returning home. He stayed at Shuguang’s place for two days. During that time, Shuguang barely left his side, caring for him meticulously. Their feelings for each other grew rapidly.

Perhaps every coincidence in the world is fate’s arrangement.

Back then, Yishu had wondered why Yihui didn’t come home for two days. She called, and a slightly hoarse male voice answered. His words were sincere and flawless, so her suspicions eased.

“She probably—” Su Yihui took the cup of warm water, recalling what had happened two hours earlier. “She probably understands me now.” I could see she was still disappointed, but in the face of my stubbornness, she was the first to compromise. She’s always been like this, going along with my wishes, even changing what she believed was right for my sake.

“That’s good,” Cheng Shuguang said, taking Yihui’s hand. “I met your sister once at the tea house; I could tell she was a reasonable person. I’m very glad.”

“Glad about what?”

“I’m glad she took such good care of you, so you’d have the chance to make your own choices, so I’d have the chance to meet you.” Cheng Shuguang’s eyes shone, as if he saw the dawn of a new day.

I think, at least here, no one will stand in the way of our happiness. As for my own side, I will do everything I can to clear all obstacles.